Noise: My life is a chaotic mess, so I’m changing it

Lately I’ve started to feel as though I know what I need to do with my life. I’ve started really weighing what’s important, and what’s not. What is worth my time, and what’s not. I’ve started analyzing my aspirations, my passions, and my habits. I’m not happy with all my wasted time, my wasted energy, and my wasted money.

School

I’m angry with how much time I wasted in school. I’ve learned more after my graduation, than I ever did before! My taxes, how the stock market works, how to be more self reliant, the difference between a 401k and a Roth IRA. I’ve seen the 48 continental states, been to every major city in the USA (sans Miami and San Francisco). I’ve leaned what networking is, and I’ve done it. I figured out that college degrees aren’t as important as I was told. When my high school principal told me I was a huge disappointment- because I lost my Honors on my diploma because of .01 on my GPA from calculus- I thought it wrecked my life forever. It doesn’t matter. His opinion about me, never mattered. Those tests I studied for, cried over, lost countless nights’ of sleep over, never mattered. Not a bit. I should have applied myself elsewhere during those years. I should have taken it down 7 notches and scraped by with a C. In my free time I should have been working on me more. Seeing more. Doing more. And learning more. In school, I never had the time or the thoughts to look up stuff like early retirement, or how to work online, or places and people I’d like to see. I’m sick for that precious time, and I’m sad for my sanity and mental health that suffered during those years.

Social Media

I’m angry with myself for how much time I’ve wasted on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Netflix, and Hulu. When I should have been working out, writing, planning, or freelancing, I was burning my time. My oh-so-precious time. It doesn’t matter that I’m in a semi 24/7, that’s absolutely no excuse to squander time, I should never be bored or mindlessly scrolling. I have far more important things I need to do.

Read this:  Travel Turns you into a Self Righteous Prick

Trolls, Bullies, and Meaningless Arguments

I’m angry with myself for allowing myself be consumed by politics, online trolls, and in-real-life bullies. There were so many times that I was just fighting mad over a dumb Facebook political comment, made by a dense person online. There were so many people who have made horrible remarks on my social channels and my blog. I’ve had over 2000 (yeah, I wasted my time counting) horrible voicemails, tweets, and texts from people who told me to kill myself back in high school. I had so many people tear me down, because of my physique, personal beliefs, and mannerisms. I considered suicide, a lot. I lost 50lbs I didn’t need to (almost 30 of that in a month) because of them. My hair fell out. I cried until I vomited because of them. I didn’t sleep well at all. I was paranoid, and I got really forgetful because my head was so scattered. I’m angry for letting myself fall victim instead of just shutting off my phone to deal with the online bullies, and punching those in-person jerks right in the face. They were a waste of my time, sanity, health, and thoughts- and I let them.

Time for lifestyle changes

These past few months though, I’ve started to recognize all the wasteful ways of my past. And I’ve made changes. And I plan to make even more changes in the near future. I’ve got a long way to go but I’m happy to at least be getting started now.

  • I’m not going to waste my time or money on an extended formal education right now. I’ve got other stuff I need to work on, which doesn’t require the knowledge nor degree that a university offers.
  • I’m not going to waste my time online. I got rid of my Netflix, and I significantly limited how much time I spend on Facebook and Twitter. I turned off ALL notifications on my phone. I prescheduled most of my tweets and posts. I only check my emails once a day. I also turned off my social media notifications, including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, snapchat, and Facebook messenger. I don’t get notifications until I open the app and manually check, so I’m sorry I’m late getting back to you, but it’s been really good for my productivity and mental health! I don’t let myself mindlessly scroll so much. I don’t carry my phone on me very often, and especially not to the restroom, during my work, or when I’m talking to my husband. I don’t need it. I will not allow myself to waste any more precious time online. 
  • I’m not going to engage with bullies, trolls, or inconsiderate people. I ignore lots of messages. I unfollow lots of people. Sometimes I accidentally screen good people who I WANT to talk to, but I’m working on changing that too. I am making more time for those important people who matter.

I’m being more deliberate with my days now too.

  • I make my bed every single day. No exceptions.
  • I listen to music rarely, and I spend much more time thinking.
  • I don’t worry about clothes. My last shopping trip was over a year ago. I own three jeans and nine black tees.
  • I threw out a bunch of junk, like three truckloads of it, literally. I’ve accepted the minimalism mindset as my own. I understand that I cannot buy myself joy. I’m more organized. I keep my work area clean.
  • For the first time in my life, I have a journal with extremely specific goals that I update every month on the 1st. I also have three main To-Do lists that I’m actually keeping up with and always working on.
  • I’m trying to practice mindfulness more. I try to listen more intently. I’m training myself to do my tasks one thing at a time, instead of the craziness that multitasking is.
  • In the future I might take up yoga, or get back into jogging and cross fit. My hobbies are also going to take a front seat in my life, especially my horse, my kayak, and camping. 

To heck with all this noise that doesn’t matter. I have passions and goals I need to be feeding instead. I’m tired of being another mindless, tired, zombie of a woman.

Read this:  There was a blessing in my Dad's death, and 11 years later, I find it.

Let’s Talk!

– Am I the only one who feels like I completely let technology and social media take over my life?

– What are your goals and aspirations? Is minimalism and mindfulness something you’re willing to try? What about dropping your Netflix and smart phone?

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2 Replies to “Noise: My life is a chaotic mess, so I’m changing it”

  1. I was raised by a very controlling Mother, and once married a man that controlled me badly too. It took me awhile to unhook physically, mentally and emotionally from that, but I did. Only then could I become me, and ‘find-myself’ as the saying goes. Precious time was wasted trying to live, like and want what they told me what I liked and wanted. More precious time wasted by others trying to hurt me and control me, either through spite or envy. After shedding all that, I found the true meaning of living and learning just how strong and capable I can be. So I can relate, it’s a good awakening when it happens, and I think real true happiness comes from when we take control and stay true to ourselves. By understanding from where we came, can others know us best. < that's my 2c anyway.
    To share one of my stories, 11 yrs ago, on my first day at Cummins', Inc., while being toured around the facility, one particular department caught my eye, and I remarked how I wanted to work in the Scania division. I was told "new hires never work in there, it takes many years of seniority"….I was in that department within the first year…and excelled, remaining 9.5 years!

    1. That’s amazing! It’s so wonderful too when you finally have that moment of realization that you’re in control of your life and can do whatever you please! I’m glad you got that Scania division job, you had some really good years there it seems!

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